Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Valentine's Day

Valentine's day has come and gone, but I'm still laughing at the jokes I heard and read.  Our church had a brunch for couples (or even people that weren't part of a couple).  Our church clown (sorry Bill) was in his element walking around with his microphone and jokes.  Here are a few I heard and read around and on Valentines Day.

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
A. Let me call you Tweet heart!

 Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pin cushion!

 Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: I dot my i's on you!

GROAN!  That's the last of the one liners.  How about knock knock?

 Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pooch who?
Pooch your arms around me!

 Knock Knock
Who's there?
Luke who?
Luke who got a Valentine!

 Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive you!

Double GROAN!  That's enough knock knock.

 Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. “Why the new sign?” I asked. “My boyfriend didn’t approve of the old one,” she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: “Local Honey Dates Nuts”

 The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine’s Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed that the next customer, an elderly farmer, was holding a long flannel nightgown and kept glancing at the younger man’s sexier choice. When it was his turn, the farmer placed the nightgown on the counter. “Would you have anything in black flannel?” He asked.

 My dearest wife is always going on and on and ON about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day.  She repeats that it's the thought that counts.
Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would. Here's my list - see what you think:
  • Brand new mop and bucket.
    I was thinking it would be fun to see what color the floor was because I couldn't remember.
  • Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.
    I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.
  • Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box.
    I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.
  • Midnight moped ride through the park.
    I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.
  • Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. One of my favorites  -
    I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.
  • 45 second back massage.
    I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else. 
 Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just $10 but on one condition.' 
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'
Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.  She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

Until next year - -
Love is catching.  Spreads by kisses.

1 comment:

  1. My husband gave me yellow roses for Valentine's Day -- my favorite! But I'm pretty sure I would have given up the roses if my wish of getting a clean house could be granted. LOL